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 Breaking the Pieces

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PostSubject: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:38 pm

Okay so this is the first tentative chapter of a novel I'm writing. I want to know if it makes you want to read more and if it's interesting. It does have some themes that might offend people, so if the mods want to move it. It's fine by me. Smile

Emma stared in fascination at the blood oozing from the cut on her arm. The small piece of plastic in her hand trembled with her excitement. Readying it for another strike, a sudden pain in her head caused her to drop it.
 
Flashes of jumbled images passed through her mind none of them making sense. Rocking and moaning, Emma clasped her hands to her flannel-clad legs. Her eyes squeezed shut to try to block them from battering her brain. As they slowed, Emma grabbed a nearby sketch pad. An unrelenting need to draw them gripped her. Picking up the pen, she started to draw. Her hand moved frantically across the page.
 
Outside the room Derek pressed his hand to the glass. His eyes on something in the white room before him. "Call the director," he said to the small man standing next to him, his eyes never straying from the petite woman in front of him. "Patient 2029 has had another vision. He'll want to interrogate her as soon as possible." A quiet click from behind was the only indication that the man had followed his order. Smiling, his dark brown eyes lighting up with glee, Derek headed out of the room to see his favourite patient.

He entered the room and saw Emma, her long blonde hair a mess, and tears falling from her bright forest green eyes. Pulling up one of the chairs Derek sat, arms crossed and eyes focused on Emma. As she continued her frantic scribbling, she clutched her head with her free hand.
 
Throwing the sketch book across the room, Emma howled, pressing both of her hands to her temple, and raking her fingers down her face, leaving bloody furrows. The images wouldn't stop. She felt as if her head was going to explode as she tried to relieve the pressure in her head anyway she could.
 
Derek grabbed her hands. Pinning them behind her back, he yelled to the men posted outside the room, telling them to bring a sedative, all the while trying to keep Emma from further inflicting pain on herself. Despite his larger frame he was having a great deal of difficulty holding her down. Struggling with Emma, he heard the door open. "Derek, you can let her go," said a deep voice from somewhere on the other side of the room.
 
"Director?" Derek asked, not budging an inch from his position.
 
"Derek." The steely tone in the Director's voice warned him; warned him of the punishments for not obeying commands.
 
Slowly and reluctantly, he let go of Emma's hands, and stood up. His eyes glaring in defiance at the director. Emma, feeling the weight lift off her, looked up, confused.
 
"Daddy?" Sitting up slowly, she clutched at the collar of her shirt, scared but not knowing why, the pain in her head gone and forgotten.
 
"Baby, are you feeling alright?" The Director walked over and hugged the confused woman, leaving Derek to stand there, unsure what to do.
 
The door banged open and an orderly rushed in, a syringe in hand. "Sir, I've got the sedative," he said to Derek.
 
"That won't be necessary, now, Paul." The Director said, casting a meaningful look at the man. Gulping, the man apologized then slowly backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.
 
"Daddy, why did that man have a syringe? Where am I?" Emma asked, scared and confused. Her hands clutching her father's small frame and her face buried in his chest, his wiry black hair tickling the top of her head .
 
Gently laying his hand on either side of her face, the Director waited until her eyes glazed over.
 
"Was that really necessary, Sir?" Derek asked, his face an expressionless mask.
 
Dropping his hands from Emma's face, the Director turned to Derek. "Everything I do to her is necessary, Derek. If putting her under a compulsion will ensure her safety and the safety of the information in her head then I will do whatever's necessary to make sure it stays safe, and that she doesn't remember. As someone who stands to lose a lot more if she remembers, I would learn to obey better."
 
Standing, the Director brushed off his pants, and headed for the door, leaving a warning and an order.
 
"Remember, Derek, you’re the reason she's here. If you don't want her to find out, I suggest you do as I say."
 
After the Director had left, Derek walked over to the spell-induced Emma, sitting down and gently pulling her into his lap. He stroked her hair, softly whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," unshed tears gathered in his eyes while Emma's eyes stared emptily at the wall.


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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:31 pm

well, i have to say thats interesting. it leaves you confused but something for your imagination. i have feeling this is a romance/fiction. but its a good start. but this is only the beginning i dont want to say anymore
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:47 pm

I do have the second chapter as well and a third, but I hate the third. I probably will be adding more to the first and second chapter to flesh it out a bit. Do you want me to post the second chapter as well?
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:48 pm

yeah!!! i wanna read more of it
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:57 pm

okay so I took this part out because this actually isn't what happened after the first part, so I'll add it back in after I write and add those parts. Very Happy


Last edited by bookbuyer on Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:01 pm

oh god, i want to cry from reading this. i just want to punch the stupid director!!! sorry, its really good
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:02 pm

haha, thank you. I have the story pretty much completely mapped out. Now I just have to write it! Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:03 pm

same with mine, i havent felt up to it,dont feel too good right now
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:05 pm

aww, I'm sorry you don't feel well. I'm not writting much with mine because I'm at the plotting stage of all my stories right now. Most of this is from before and it will probably change a bit. It will certainly be longer. Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:06 pm

im ok really, but i hope you finish planning soon!!i wanna read them, i love reading these
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:08 pm

haha. If you reeeeeeeeeeeally wanted I could post my rough plot and you could see what happens. Or I could post some of the ending pieces of this that I have. But it might spoil it for you. LOL
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:11 pm

no, no. dont post the plot or the ending, please dont
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:17 pm

haha. okay I won't. But I'll try to write this as soon as possible. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:17 pm

oh yay!! i wouldnt want to rush you though
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:19 pm

Don't worry it'll probably still take me a while. But this one is on the top of my priority list for my WIPs. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:20 pm

yay!!! i cant wait, i do like you writing, your style and everything
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:22 pm

Thank you. I've been doing this for about 6 months now and have really felt I've improved a lot since I began. My first piece is HORRIBLY written. I'm planning on going back and re-writting it later on when I have more skill cause it's a tricky one. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:23 pm

awsome, i just had a sudden idea for a gruesome story, about a war and the lack of medical need, i think i'll start it today or tomorrow
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:27 pm

haha that's great! I hope to see it soon. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:30 pm

same here, but i still have to plan it now. Crying or Very sad Mad i hate having to do the planning!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:33 pm

I recently found a good method. I'm trying it out for now. But it seems to be working. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:34 pm

care to share or is it a secret? i wouldnt want to be the one to steal an idea if you dont want to share it
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:37 pm

no it's not even really mine. It's from the holly listle website. I'm using it for Breaking the Pieces right now. I'll post a link. Smile

http://hollylisle.com/index.php/Workshops/notecarding-plotting-under-pressure.html

You can kind of play around with this method to fit your needs. I'm going to try to use it on all of my stories because it's working quite well with my story Breaking the Pieces right now. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Fri Aug 27, 2010 3:38 pm

k, thanks
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PostSubject: Re: Breaking the Pieces   Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:29 pm

okay so this is the next part of it. I wanted to let you have a bit of it for now, but I'll probably continue and give you more later. Also you should look back at the previous page where the second chapter was. There a little note there and I have removed the chapter. You'll understand when you read the post. Smile


The Director waited outside the room as he waited for Derek to calm down. Emma wouldn't be responsive again for a while so he could afford to let Derek have this time with Emma. Bringing up his wrist, the Director checked the time. His wife would be expecting him at home soon, but he would have to call her and tell her he would be late again. He'd have to take care of Emma first and take her to the interview room
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