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 The Siren's Call

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bookbuyer
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bookbuyer

Posts : 236
Join date : 2010-08-26
Age : 27
Location : The Moon!!!

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PostSubject: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyFri Aug 27, 2010 2:51 pm

Here' the other piece. Very Happy

The waves of the sea wash over me. I clutch my head, heartbroken, and nausea in my stomach. Body shivering, but I feel nothing. I'm numb. It's over. I collapse on the rocky ground of the beach, the pale light of the moon bathing my bare back. Sobs rack my body, but no tears fall. Why? Why, does this hurt so much? I never really loved him. Did I? I push myself to my knees, slowly standing, feel myself wading into the waters of the sea, my body becoming colder and colder. I'm in a trance, I have no control of my body. A calming song calls me deeper and deeper into the water. My head soon submerges; I know that I should be gasping for breath. But strangely, I feel as if I could stay under forever. My dress billows around me pulling me under. Ahead I see a faint light. A crude shape. I feel no fear. I can hear the song coming from that direction. Calling me like a sirens song. My feet moving without my knowing. Soon I am but a few feet away from the golden light. The song has gotten quieter and quieter. I strain to hear the song, my heart longing for the cool numbness it invokes. I move close to the light, ears straining to catch the last strains of the melody. As the song comes to an end, my lungs start to burn, and I struggle. Hands grip my limbs, holding me under. My body feels so heavy. My limbs trapped. What will happen to me, what is holding me down?


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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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Age : 21
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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyFri Aug 27, 2010 2:57 pm

this one sounds good. there's not much i have to say about it, but what i do is good. it holds you but its kind of slow. this one isnt a beginning right? cause if it is there needs more backround knowledge. but it is very detailed and holds you. i think it'll be a good story
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bookbuyer
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bookbuyer

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Location : The Moon!!!

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyFri Aug 27, 2010 2:58 pm

no this won't be the beginning part. I do have an idea of what the beginning of this is going to be, but I won't tell so that it will surprise you. Very Happy
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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyFri Aug 27, 2010 3:03 pm

kk, cool!!!!
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Yamazaru
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Yamazaru

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptySun Aug 29, 2010 10:56 pm

I liked this one a lot, but as said above it is a tad slow, but i would like to know of the beginning.
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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 9:58 am

i think she's still writing it, or something like that
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bookbuyer
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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 12:12 pm

ya I'm still writing it. It's one of my current WIPS. It's #1 in my short story WIPs but like #6 or #7 overall.
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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 2:20 pm

kk, cant wait for you to finish it though!!!
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bookbuyer
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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 3:05 pm

TY
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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 5:43 pm

mmhmm!!!
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MoonLitWolf
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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 9:27 pm

I also agree that it catches your attention but not quite as much as it could. But there's something about it, it just sort of flows as your reading it. And also I can't wait for you to finish.
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bookbuyer
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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyMon Aug 30, 2010 10:16 pm

haha, ty. I'll try to work on it a bit today for you guys. Smile
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ramsvolleyball1
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ramsvolleyball1

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PostSubject: Re: The Siren's Call   The Siren's Call EmptyTue Aug 31, 2010 8:47 am

kk, cant wait for it
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